Out of the Ashes I Give You Praise

It is finally here!!  The day chemo is not in control.

As we gathered together for our Thanksgiving Dinner, I felt every bit the patient in the corner of the dark, empty dining hall where no one dared look.

We were all here, all together:  Alex, who worked tirelessly to bring our meal together.  Suzie, his faithful co chef, who brought almost all the sides, and all the desserts into delicious existence.  Jaya, came to be with us, and Jadae, Jimmy, who arrived after the prayer, but in time for the meal.  DeMontae, and me.

As I sat, eating my food, none of which I could taste, it broke my heart, so much good, savory, delicious tasting food, and I taste nothing.  I ate most of what I put on my plate, but immediately, excused myself, because I was still feeling so weak, shaky, and now brokenhearted.  The anticipation of Thanksgiving flavors is what excites me most about the day, and having no taste buds made the day anticlimactic.

Upstairs in my room, I could not make the tears stop.  Is this my future, no taste for food?  I went to bed, prayed and asked God to help me accept what was my new normal.

I woke up this morning, noticing I did not have any pain or shakiness.  I got up and went downstairs to get something to eat to take my morning pill and a drink to wash it down.  When I started to eat, something different!  I could taste a hint of turkey, bread, punch…. could it be real?  I tried it again.  My taste buds weren’t in pain, I could taste a little, and when I smelled my hand and my food, it smelled like what it was.   God had answered my prayer in a way I hadn’t expected.  He healed me!!!!   This day, I am able to taste, not totally, but not briny, vinegar, metallic, rust, but the delicate flavor of whatever I place in my mouth.  It was not permanent!  Hallelujah!  I have one week before I go back for the second treatment, so I will be able to enjoy food until that happens.  I am not shaky, not dizzy, light is not hurting my eyes, and that awful headache is gone.  Though I still have the other symptoms: diarrhea, urinary and rectal pain and bleeding, but the nosebleeds are all but gone, the gums and nose are not raw and my feet are not raw.  My joints are not in pain, and most and best of all my stomach only hurts when I have to do the diarrhea or urine thing.  God is so good, and being this far past chemo side effects after 11 days, is such a blessing.  I have felt like my life was slowly exiting my body, as I had to endure the chemo taking care of the cancer cells, and I know that it was only the merciful grace of God that brought me through.  God is my strength and my fortress, in Him only do I trust.

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