Pressing Forward: I have overcome 4 Aggressive Chemo Infusions.

I remember writing that each one is different.  This was #4, and as we move forward, there are things that transpire at one time, that do not follow the same timeline, so as I report the things that I endured through this infusion, I have to also disclose that, the week prior to the infusion, I went to Palliative  Care, after seeing my PCP, PA, who informed me that this would be where I could learn to endure some of the side effect that kept me from eating, that affected my constant diarrhea, that kept me dehydrated, where I needed to go in for IV fluids just to keep me from succumbing to the devastating, bedridden lifestyle of which I was growing accustomed.

In Palliative Care,  there were additional medications dispensed, some over-the-counter, such as Zinc, to help with the taste of foods, and some prescribed and dispensed by the pharmacy:  one power to mix with liquid, to curtail the ever flowing diarrhea,  one  pill with cannibus oil, used as an appetite stimulator.  These are in addition to what is already being taken, so within the next few weeks, we will see how this works.  I am still so very weak, that I have almost passed out, seen stars, watched everything fade to black, while I almost pass out, but I have not gone for IV fluids this time.

Last week, Jan 14th, I went for the 4th infusion, but before going in, I had a consult with the PA, to the Oncologist, where we discussed many things which includes all the symptoms, and side effects I have experienced since the last #3 infusion.  The Oncologist ended up coming in to discuss a knot I found on my left ribcage, small in size right now.  She decided to omit the newer infusion drug “C” from the 4 I generally have received in previous infusions, because it may be the contributor to the severe diarrhea that never goes away.  It shortened the time spent in Infusion clinic, but it remains to be seen what all these new changes mean and how my body sustains the changes.

On Wed., following the infusion, I start to feel the side effects, first is the loss of taste in the tongue, then the loss of sensations in the fingers and gums, and feet, and the legs.  I find this time I am feeling more bloat, and more gas, and more nausea, dizziness, weakness, jitters, and though I have so many urges, and food desires, I don’t really get hungry until the early morning hours, before daylight.  I have a lot of sharp stomach pains, and when I do eat, the diarrhea is immediate.

Thursday through Sat. the symptoms increased, and so did the diarrhea, bleeding from the nose, the sore, burning, rectum, and vaginal area upon that slow, burning urination. The diarrhea did slow down with the new meds, but that was just for a few days, then everything is back to the way it was in all the previous infusions.

This week, I had an appointment to address the lytic lesions that were found that was diagnosed or misdiagnosed prior to my breast cancer surgery.  With this appointment, I have amassed a few more medications to add to the cocktail of drugs I have to ingest each morning, and each night with food.  Food is not my friend, and to date, I have not really noticed that the meds are doing what positive changes I was promised to get me to spend money on them that I do not have.

Next week, I go back to the Palliative Care Center, and on Feb. 4th,  God willing, I will endure Chemo Infusion #5.  I never saw myself turning this corner, but my body, as they say, does not tolerate the chemo as other patients have or do.   I don’t ever see any type of life going forward past chemo, I see no hopeful future plans, or any things that show me past NOW!  I ask God each morning when I awake, “what do you have for me today, Lord”?  What do you want me to do,?  What is my path?”  I still don’t know, I don’t see a future, but I go from day to day, walking with God, and that is from early in the morning, till I fall asleep late at night.  Am I going to survive this, only God knows.  I used to see future, I used to see Springtime, warm sunny days, me working my fruit plants, me in my garden, then a few weeks ago, I realized those visions were gone, and I don’t have the strength to walk 200 feet without feeling I will pass out, so hoeing and planting is not going to be a part of this spring’s line-up.  I find myself, reminding me, “This battle is not yours, you move out of the way, and let the Lord, handle everything, there is nothing I can do, that would make life brighter, just put it all in God’s hands and let Him take care of it all.

When I lay in bed, back in December after I was rejected by the medical team to sign my insurance documents, I prayed and prayed and God placed within me the site to get the funds to set my affairs in order without me begging and without me suffering the undue headaches and stress of worry to ask others to help me.  GoFundMe accounts usually help people without personal interactions.  It gave me a feeling of peace and relief and I could sleep, and I went through the days feeling so hopeful, then I had a hard time getting the funds from account, until Jan.  It helped a great deal and I am so grateful for all that came from that.  It did not overcome all that I needed to take care of, but it blessed me and I was relieved to take care of some of what was pressing and weighing on me.  I am so Thankful to all who cared and donated, you gave me strength to hold on and fight against weakness, and all I endured to get some of what was needed handled.  I thank God for you all and for the account.

When one is down, God sends whomever He will to come to the aid of that one in need, and that is what He did, so thank you.  I will hold on as long as the Lord wills, and I will continue to fight with all that God gives me, and after Chemo Infusion #5, we will see what He has in store.  Continue to pray and I will continue to pray for you all.

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